Receiving the Relief

We did it. My family has moved to Denver.

I know that may come as a surprise to some of you, and I apologize for not staying in touch. Our family has been engaged in heroic acts of re-creation are just beginning to come up for air and reflection.

People ask me, “why did you choose Colorado?”, and I give them a list of reasons: we could afford to buy a house, the weather and people are great, we want to expand our family, we felt scattered in the Bay Area…. but those reasons aren’t why we are here.

The “reasons” are just the list of things my mind comes up with to justify the immense leap of faith that my intuition called out for. The truth is, I prayed about finding a new home, saw a clear blue light leading to Denver, and in deep meditation my heart sang “YES”.  Then my mind did its analysis of Colorado, and all looked good! The intellectual reasons are never enough to create change. Trying to change with reason alone is like flying the plane via the instruments only. It’s the heart’s intuition that gives us fuel and direction.

So often we are looking for some outside source to tell us what to do, or to justify and approve of our decisions. We intentionally keep ourselves distracted or stressed, so that we don’t hear that quiet voice telling us to take the next step.

I had felt confused and unsure about our next move for over a year. I began to realize I had actually been practicing confusion and uncertainty as a way to maintain the status quo. Being confused and uncertain was an effective way for me to avoid being accountable to the inner voice saying, “MOVE.”

Yet, I had also been praying to be a “relievable person”, someone capable of receiving relief, even without any ideas about what that might look or feel like. When I began to practice being a “relieve-able” person, I got the transmission quickly and clearly about Denver. I then spoke to Siri about it. She was on board, and within a month we had closed on a house. Now I’m writing this from our bright living room! (Denver is remarkably sunny.)

It is often terrifying to be accountable to our own vision. 

Being relievable and following our intuition doesn’t mean we won’t have freak outs.  I find it’s helpful to let myself have all of the doubts and freak outs and to try meet them with compassion and presence. Freaking out is part of the transformational process, and doubt is a part of the process of listening to the inner voice. Make space for the doubt. Welcome it. Then, as soon as you can, ask for help, make yourself available to the relief, connect back to your vision… and move forward.

Apparently only 5% of people move linearly towards a goal, while the rest of us are on a spiraling and curving path that sometimes looks like 3 steps forward and 2 steps back. Now that we are here I can have all of my doubts or regret, but they are ripples on the surface of a deeper contentment and sense of stability. We prayed and dreamed about a home, and now we are living in it. It’s a literal “dream come true.” I learned that to make the dream come true required prayer, intention, planning and surrender to the possibility of being relieved.

May 31, 2018

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